God in our lives, even when we don't know it

I generally don't talk much about God or the effect He has had in our lives, but today I just felt the need to do so.

My husband and I got married a few months over 20 years ago. We were both working low paying jobs, but my husband was in his final semester of college so things would be looking up. He graduated in May and he started looking for work. He had a few interviews, but no offers, so we continued to work our minimum wage jobs. Then in late October, be discovered the birth control pills didn't work and thaI was pregnant.

We were happy, but at the same time deeply concerned about just how we were going to pay for the doctor and delivery. The week before Christmas, we got a call. He was offered a job in the central part of the state (we lived in the NE corner at the time, where both of our families were) and he would start on January 7th.

God was looking out for us.

We stayed in a hotel for a couple of days and while my husband worked, I looked for us a place to live. We signed lease papers on Wednesday afternoon. The rent was affordable and we had the option to buy. So we did. Signed the mortgage papers in mid-May before our beautiful daughter was born the first week of June.

God was providing for us.

A couple of years later, we discover again that birth control pills still don't work. I was pregnant. We had wanted to wait another couple of years and we just were not ready for another child. After the shock wore off, we were happy. It was a difficult pregnancy, with a lot of swelling and blood pressure that just would not stay under control. And in March, our son was born. By mutual consensus between us and the doctor, it was decided that we really didn't want any more children and that birth control pills obviously were not the best option for me. So during my second C-section, I had a tubal.

Then in 1997, when my daughter was 6 and my son was 3, I got sick. Rheumatoid Arthritis. And in 6 months I went from one inflamed joint to barely being able to walk or hold a pencil. It took almost 2 years to find a combination of meds that worked for me. I had to take a pregnancy test to prove that I wasn't because the side effects would have been devastating. 90% chance of miscarriage and a 99% of massive birth defects if carried to term.

God knew when I needed my children, even if it wasn't on our timetable.

During all of this time, we had been trying to keep up with the Joneses, but now with medical bills to added to the burden, we knew that would have to stop. We refinanced the house and cashed out enough equity to pay off the credit cards. We haven't picked one up since. We have paid off all of our debt except the house. Then my RA finally got bad enough that I just couldn't work any more. I was a hard decision to not work any more, I felt useless and like a burden to my family, but it gave me the time to do things I never had time to do. I finally decided, after not working for over 2 years, that I needed to apply for Disability. I took 2.5 years of paper work and worry, but in March of my daughter's Senior year, I was approved. My husband's job had gotten iffy due to lay-offs, so with the back pay, we recast our mortgage, again, and got the payment down so that we could live on my disability if we had to.

Again, God was looking out for us. He has provided for us and watched over us, even in we had almost given up hope.

Now, my husband is concerned about his job again, but when our son graduates High School and goes off to college, we will be free to move back to the NE corner of the state to be with family as they get older. And our home will be paid off, so when we sell, we will get to keep the money and pay cash for the next one.

God is indeed good. In every way.

Good Friends Make Life Nicer

I have noticed that my Random Thoughts have been incredibly random lately. I would like to explain that because my thoughts have been very random.

With the economy like it is at the moment, it is even more important that we not spend money on frivolous things. We have to stay focused on the big picture here. If my husband loses his job, how are we going to make it through the year so my daughter can graduate with her friends? What about my son who still has 3 more years? How will we make the house payment? What about insurance for my medications? What about Christmas?

These are all things we have to think about. As more and more Americans are having money troubles, and are trying to spend less, it is causing the nations retailers some pain. And that is causing a cycle of increased unemployment, more late payments or defaults on loans, and even less money out there to spend.

Personally, I think the real problem is the mindset that we as Americans have adopted. We think it is our right and duty to spend large amounts of cash on every item there is to buy. And retailers and ad executives are ultimately to blame here. They have found new and interesting ways to convince us that we absolutely must have "things" to be happy.

Case in point. This past weekend, we had house guests from Friday night until Sunday evening. We didn't go out to eat, we didn't spend a lot of time playing games or acting like consumers. We sat and visited with each other. We did go to the bread outlet (they do not have one within easy driving distance of their home so they stock up when they visit) and we went to Big Lots (they don't have one of those either). The rest of the time we ate, talked, and basically just enjoyed each others company. And we had a good time. And we didn't have to spend a lot of money to do it.

The funny thing about that is 20 years ago, we would have played a game that took all weekend to play or played several games that took 5+ hours. 5 years ago, we would have played maybe 1 game that took 5+ hours and maybe a couple of games that took 1 -1.5 hours. A year ago we would have played 3 or 4 games that took 45 minutes to play. Maybe we are just getting old. But it just seems more important now to slow down and enjoy each other that have to be entertained the entire time.

And as they say, talk is cheap.

Now I know why our grandparents would just sit and visit instead of wanting to do anything. It is actually relaxing to be able to visit instead of trying to plan a series of entertainments that every one would enjoy.

With relaxation being a lost art these days, and the amount of stress people are under at work, it just makes sense to take the time to enjoy life.

You don't have to buy a lot of specialized equipment, special clothing, or even special food (although I do cook a lot when we have company) to visit with friends. And taking time off from the world every couple of months to just sit and drink tea is a good thing. And good friends make it that much better.

Stress, on many levels

I think that now, more than ever, we are killing ourselves with stress. How much easier it would be to only have to worry about whether or not it would rain at the right time. What I want, and I mean really really want, is to have a few acres far enough into the sticks where I can't see a neighbor, no one turns around in my driveway, I can grow a garden and a few chickens, maybe a milk cow, with my husband who works from home, and our children.

Although the kids will be leaving for college in a few years, they will always have a place they can call home. I know that I will miss them terribly. But I don't want to hold them back from their dreams cause I know that my dreams and theirs are radically different. I cannot see my daughter plucking a chicken or my son tilling manure into the garden.

We talked with some friends of ours about buying 20-30 acres, building a couple of houses with a big communal kitchen, and making a commune of it. I can see it now, it would be total chaos. But many hands make light work, you say. That is definitely true, to a point. But the chaos factor, coupled with the destruction of the peace, would negate the goodness of the concept. I still like the idea, at least for a little while.

We have too much stress. Work, kids, money, cars, TVs, bills, taxes...we try to put too much on our plates. That is why so many people have IBS, migraines, high blood pressure, heart disease, road rage, strokes. And we are teaching our children to be this way too. Soccer, Dance classes, karate, scouts, youth groups, play dates, ad nauseum.

Our kids don't understand the concept of relaxing anymore. Or playing. Only the stresses of modern living. Is it any wonder at all that kids are making bad choices as they grow up? Drug abuse, sex, handguns at school, all of these are a mixture of absent or uninterested parenting, mental pressures at home and school, and lack of structure from society. No one wants to do anything to prevent it from happening, but they analyze it to death after the fact and then flood the rule books with really stupid "laws" that everyone has to follow. For crying out loud, it is in my kid's school handbook that they cannot take a doorknob to school. Well, DUH!

OK, enough ranting.